In the words of "a random Gnome": the gnome is a master of machinery and building. We can build just about any machine for the right occasion and we are, though humble, justifiably proud of ourselves for this. We are small and bearded like Dwarves, but better. Of course, some of us do shave our whiskers. Of course we have white hair and brown skin and often look far older than we truly are. We are a care-free race and usually focus on our machines rather than others. We do have racial tensions with the Dark Elves and the Trolls.[1]
In truth, gnomes are widely regarded as the most annoying and worthless race in the Everquest Universe. Not even the great Fippy Darkpaw has a worse reputation![2] Despite this, gnomes have an extremely inflated ego, and often can be heard spouting racial superiority rhetoric, much like a redneck from the deepest, darkest parts of Alabama.
Gnomes are often considered to be the most innovative race of Norrath; however, it has been posited that most of "their" inventions were actually stolen from trolls and ogres[3]. Very small, lanky and normally dirty, the Gnomes spend their days hiding in the cavernous city of Ak'Anon, where they often have competitions to see who can make the most ridiculously outrages claim related to gnomes being the master race. They also enjoy making substandard jewelry, exploring new caves, and stealing additional inventions that they claim are theirs.
Gnomes are by no means a strong and sturdy race; rather their edge is their diminutive size, which causes most races to worry about getting gnome squished in their toes. They were the second race, after Dwarves, created by Brell Serilis, and even he has admitted they were a major error in judgment. "I got really drunk one night, and knocked the bottom out of a few brownies; I'm truly sorry!"[4] The Gnomes are very curious, and tend to experiment with potentially dangerous fetishes (including suicidal moves such as the dirty ogre, the elven twist, and the erudian candle); this does, however, have the ancillary benefit of many gnome deaths, which helps to keep their population low. Gnomes are known to have both invented and perfected the "space-docking" maneuver (so they did invent at least one thing!)[5].
Gnomes often claim friendship with the other "good" races of Norrath: Humans, Barbarians, Elves, Dwarves, and Halflings; however, those races generally can't stand gnomes, and are in full support of an expansion dedicated to the eradication of the pestilent race.
Becoming a gnome will not only ensure you lack basic hygiene, but also provide you with the ability to annoy all other races instantly. Your ancestral home is the ghetto known as Ak'Anon on the otherwise delightful island of Faydwer. The special powers of Gnomes are tinkering, annoying others, and infravision for seeing in dark caves. Gnomes may specialize in the classes of Cleric, Enchanter, Magician, Necromancer, Rogue, Warrior, and Wizard. They worship such deities as Brell Serilis, Bristlebane, Solusek Ro, Rallos Zek,and Bertoxxulous.
It must be noted that gnomes have recently been found to serve one very important purpose (other than use as gnoll treats). They are a great source of inspiration for the near-forgotten art form of the haiku. For example:
There once was a gnome.
Nantucket he did call home.
His penis? Tiny![6]
Gnomes were also believed responsible for what historians have alternatively dubbed the "Your-Class-Suxors War" and/or the "L33T War" of the early 2000s. Legend has it that the gnomish wizard, Phizlephart Whiskeydick turned to one of his companions, a high elf enchanter, and stated, "Your DPS SUXORS! I am L33T!" The 'chanter responded with, "Oh yeah, well when was the last time you saved your group by locking down 4 adds?!?!?" Soon brother turned against brother as each class strove to convince all others that theirs was the most L33t and all others Suxor! Fortunately, by the end of the decade, classes began to work together again, and everyone went back to hating gnomes. It should be noted that during these years of war, most necromancers simply shrugged and went back to fear-kiting giants solo.
Appearance[]
Picture a turd that, while mostly well formed, is rather small and a little bit soft; now, imagine the turd wearing clothes and running around claiming to be the master race. There you have it: Gnome
Gnome: classic model
Classes[]
| Class | STR | DEX | AGI | STA | INT | WIS | CHA | Bonus Points | Deities |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Cleric | 65 | 85 | 85 | 75 | 98 | 77 | 60 | 30 | Bertoxxulous, Brell Serilis, Bristlebane |
| Enchanter | 60 | 85 | 85 | 70 | 108 | 67 | 70 | 30 | Agnostic, Bertoxxulous, Brell Serilis |
| Magician | 60 | 85 | 85 | 80 | 108 | 67 | 60 | 30 | Agnostic, Bertoxxulous, Brell Serilis |
| Necromancer | 60 | 95 | 85 | 70 | 108 | 67 | 60 | 30 | Bertoxxulous |
| Paladin | 70 | 85 | 85 | 75 | 98 | 72 | 70 | 20 | Brell Serilis |
| Rogue | 60 | 95 | 95 | 70 | 98 | 67 | 60 | 30 | Agnostic, Bertoxxulous, Brell Serilis, Bristlebane |
| Shadow Knight | 70 | 85 | 85 | 75 | 108 | 67 | 65 | 20 | Bertoxxulous |
| Warrior | 70 | 85 | 90 | 80 | 98 | 67 | 60 | 25 | Agnostic, Bertoxxulous, Brell Serilis, Rallos Zek |
| Wizard | 60 | 85 | 85 | 80 | 108 | 67 | 60 | 30 | Agnostic, Bertoxxulous, Brell Serilis, Solusek Ro |
Bold numbers indicate suggested stats by the game to put bonus points into.
Starting City[]
- ↑ A random gnome
- ↑ Roper Center, The. (2018). Popularity & Reputation of Noteworthy Individuals and Races of Norrath. Cornell University.
- ↑ Hawking, S. (2016). The Truth About Gnomes, Ogres, and Trolls. Cambridge University Press
- ↑ Serilis, B. (2000). Confessions of a God: Yeah, I Screwed Up. Norrathian Free Press.
- ↑ Windelhand, S. (2000), True Inventions of Gnomes: Believe It or Not!, The League of Antonican Bards Free Publishing Company, Ltd.
- ↑ Trolltamer, L. (2023), Xegony Server. Micro: A Haiku.